Wonderful (Adventures of Life)

Melting...

everyone's clamouring about how hot it is today.

Wiping...

my hands that sweat so much.

Lying...

about where I am already.

Feeling...

satisfied as it was not bad at all.

Carrying...

my observatory behavior with me, I end up

Grinning...

because of the funny and unusual things happening in this van.

Listening...

to radio music for leisure.

Stopping...

we've already reached our destination.

Closing (Those nights...)

Standing...
I can now feel the pain in every part of my body.

Looking...

in any direction just to entertain myself.

Crouching...

doesn't help that much.

Eating...

what is left of my sandwich to keep my energy up.

Missing...

all those times when I could have slept early to gain enough energy. So, now I'm

Regretting...

why I chose to become so hard headed. I'm presently

Paying...

my jeepney fare because finally, it arrived.

Calling...

this a day relieves and comforts my exhausted brain and body.

Heartbreaking (Almost a Casualty)

Seeing...
what seems like the end is

Bothering...

my feelings for the day. Then I end up

Noticing...

that the other passengers of this van were not aware. Anyway, I've been

Thinking...

of what might be a good distraction. Now I'm

Writing....

again, to express and release this feeling. My heart still keeps on

Pounding...

fast and kind of irregular. I can feel the pain.

Traveling...

right now to school because I have a class so I'm

Hoping...

that this feeling would end eventually.

Satisfying (11:29; 09:25)

Waiting...
that's what all people who lives in Cavite do.

Staring...

that's what I can do in this heavy traffic.

Sleeping...

well, everybody's tired from today's activities AND THIS HEAVY TRAFFIC.

Suffering...

I am from the pain brought about by this headache.

Smiling...

I saw this cute literally smiling Mazda.

Doubting...

should I take his picture? The driver might see me.

Writing...

that's what I end up doing.

Ending...

I regret it, but I still got home. Thank God. Good night! :D

The Heaven's Grocery Store

http://www.perrycountyillinois.net/sub413.htm

The Difference

I got up early one morning,

and rushed right into the day;

I had so much to accomplish

that I didn't have time to pray.

Problems just tumbled about me,

and heavier came each task.

"Why doesn't God help me?" I wondered.

He answered, "You didn't ask."

I wanted to see joy and beauty,

but the day toiled on, gray and bleak;

I wondered why God didn't show me,

He said, "But you didn't seek."

I tried to come into God's presence;

I used all my keys at the lock.

God gently and lovingly chided,

"My child, you didn't knock."

I woke up early this morning,

and paused before entering the day;

I had so much to accomplish

that I had to take time to pray.

(copied from the frame in front of our dining room)

--------------------------------------------------

Jesus said, "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given

to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door

will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives;

he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

Luke 11:9-10
-----------------------------------------------------------------

God bless everyone.

The White Eye: Part 2

Under the full moon

I tried to walk silently

Because under its bright light

I see black and white.

The path is still straight,

But it wasn't clear anymore.

There, I fear, are my nightmare when close to me.

I should say, there are a lot of them.

The White Eye: Part 1

Under the full moon,

I tried to walk silently

Because under the bright light,

I see black and white.

The path is clear, straight ahead;

Look at the clock, what time is it?

So with all my strength, myself I help
I hear my constant deafening footsteps.

LPU Intra Life

When with friends I go to mall

To enjoy a nice stroll

Because it seems we are to fall

From a height that is so tall.

There are times I want to roll

Instead of bounce like a ball;

It's good to stay at Mabini Hall,

But there's no other like above the WALL.

A professor's criticisms:

In General:

1. The attempt to rhyme is commendable, as this shows the expanse of your vocabulary.

2. The rhyme however has had an effect on the actual essence of the poem, making it a bit superficial.

3. The simplicity of the poem combined with the rhyme makes it very catchy, but maybe with a proper meter (since you chose the structure of a rhyming poem) would help with the aesthetic of the poem through rhythm.

Line by Line:

Line 3 seems to assume that it supports lines 1 and 2 because of the conjunction "Because", but it is unclear what falling from a tall(sic) height has to do with going to mall to enjoy a nice stroll.

Line 6: Does not a ball roll as well?

Line 8: Again, it is unclear as to "no other" what? It seems that just to be able to rhyme, basic sentence construction is sacrificed, and eventually the logic of the line.

Overall, this is understandably a good "entry level" attempt at poetry, but you could still elevate that from good to great. Your images are simple but easily relateable, though bordering on cliche, which we want to avoid like the plague.

Poetic License is not an as-is excuse to break basic rules. we must know why we're breaking them, thats why we have seminars and workshops. Once we fully understand how and why we break these rules of lit, we can better express to the public the poems we create.

Good, good :)

------------------------------

Criticisms noted. :))

The Tower Red Light

In an ordinary day,

You stay still and hidden,

Your presence unnoticeable

And yet you are there.

Lightning flashed and thunder roared

The sky is is dark, now I am blind

While I fly you guide my way

'Cause that's when you come out to shine.

-Airplane